Repair
by Shelly LeBlanc
Summary: Sometimes the marks that are left behind are just blueprints showing you what you need to rebuild. Tcest.


Title: Rebuild  
Fandom: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2k14 Movie  
Characters: Donatello, Raphael, and Leonardo  
Pairing: Raph/Donnie, Don and Leo bonding  
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Mild Angst  
Word Count: 5.6k  
Rating: PG-13, for tcest, mild though.  
Summary: Sometimes the marks that are left behind are just blueprints showing you what you need to rebuild.  
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to my fic Marks. I'd prefer you read it first. This is slash and tcest, just as a warning. This is all FeeFido's fault, tbh. Unbeta'd.

-o-

Donatello could do nothing but stare. The world around him faded to grey in his peripheral. The voice of his oldest brother became muted in his ears. The pungent smells of the ointment that had been rubbed into his wounds and the incense that Splinter insisted be burned during his time of healing became unnoticeable. His whole body started to tingle, as if it were a limb about to go to sleep. His tongue became dry and numb. His entire five senses became dull as he kept his eyes on his image in the mirror.

Splinter had finally deemed it time for his injured son to see his wound, now that it had some time to heal. Before the bandages came off, Michelangelo told him he now had bragging rights, for his scar as the "gnarliest." Leo had tried to reassure him and said that it wasn't as bad as it looked. Splinter had just rested his hand on his son's face with affection, trying to comfort him with touch rather than words. And Raph, well, he hadn't seen Raph yet that morning.

Don had waited patiently for weeks to see this. He had seen little peeks with his ever present curiosity but his family had been very careful. They had distracted him, always having a second person in the room talking to him when they changed his bandage while awake. They had drugged him, with his consent, when it was time for cleaning. They had tried to shield him from the worst of it, when it had gotten infected and he was dizzy from the fever. They had tried to bribe him with gadget (that he had built himself, so not so awesome bribing material) and books, and he had let them. Don was sure that his family was shocked at how long they had been able to deter him from examining his own injury. He had been the first to come running when one of his brothers had gotten hurt. At first, as a toddler, he would just stare and stare, trying to understand what the blood and cuts meant, then later, he'd work on trying to fix them. He had stitched his first wound at age eight and just continued to move on from there. He treated almost every wound, including his own. This was the first major injury nobody had let him touch and he hadn't appeared phased by that. He had let his family distract, bribe, and turn his head away from the gaping wound but his patience had finally run out and they had realized that delaying the inevitable would only cause more damage to his psyche and make him believe it was a lot worse than it really was.

So that's how he came to be standing in front of the only floor-length mirror they owned, the one with several cracks and a couple of pieces missing, staring at his own cracked and missing pieces reflection. The wound was a lot longer than he had expected, but not much wider. Five lines, thick and deep, but close together, showed the trail where Shredder's claws had ascended from bottom to top. They moved from almost the bottom of his third plate to his carapace, where there was now a chunk of the rim and part of the top piece was missing, leaving a jagged line over his right shoulder. They would have to sand it down later, when wound and the surrounding area wasn't tender to the touch. It would take years for the piece to grow back, even with the mutagen running its course through his bloodstream. His right side would be particularly vulnerable and susceptible to injuries. That was also something they would have to assess later, after they figured out if he even could use the shoulder the same way he had been able to before. While his plastron had sustained the most injury, with deep slices and seventy-five percent of his top right plate completely gone, there were still a few important muscles that had been damaged. Don knew the statistics. He had tested their rate of healing, had observed their blood and DNA under microscope, and he knew the probability of him never being able to fight like he had before was not only possible, but very probable. Splinter and Raph had done the best they could for him, but the best person to fix Don had been Don himself.

Suddenly, another image came into the cracked mirror and Don felt his lips curl into an automatic smile, something that both parties knew wasn't quite real.

"It's going to be okay, Donnie," Leonardo said, placing an encouraging hand on his uninjured shoulder. The squeeze was gentle, nowhere near his usual strength. They were still touching him with kid gloves and he knew it would be a while before anyone felt comfortable enough to use their regular strength around him. If it weren't for the fact that he knew it was because they cared about him too much to want to damage him further, he would have been grumpy and put off by this behavior. As it is, he allowed their lighter touches with a grace that surprised them, even though he was the gentlest turtle.

"I know," Don said simply. He did know. He had calculated his rate of recovery based on both red-eared slider's shells growing rate, human healing rate, and factored in the increased rate of growth from the mutagen. It would take roughly three years for his plastron to fully heal, another two for his carapace and possible another ten for all signs to disappear. It was much faster than a normal turtle, but not fast enough for a mutant turtle that fought crime for a living. He would be a moving target. He might as well have a sign that says, "All projectiles, enter here" taped to his chest.

Leo gave another squeeze before allowing his hand to drop away from his taller brother. Don heard him give a sigh and was finally able to move his eyes away from his own missing plastron to his older brother. He was mask-less, which had been rare before this incident. The second Leo had received his mask from their master, he wore it with pride and commitment. He only took it off when in extreme necessity. Now, though, it was a different story. He was doing some healing of his own. The skin around his eyes was mostly back to normal, but his eyes were still slightly bloodshot, probably from both the strain they all had been under the past few weeks and that he was still feeling the aftereffects of whatever it was that had been sent into Leo's eyes. Don hadn't been allowed to analyze it and Leo had considered it unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

"How are the eyes?" Donnie asked, his voice soft from worry and shame. He wasn't the only one left changed from their final encounter with the Shredder.

"Still a little blurry," Leo answered nonchalantly. He locked his eyes with the gold ones in the mirror and gave a small smile, one much more real than the one Don had given to him earlier. "Father says it'll probably clear up in the next week or so. He found an herbal remedy that has done wonders. I no longer feel any stinging."

"That's good," Don said, more of a mumble. "Good." He looked down at his chest to catch an aerial view of his injury, but it didn't look any better from that angle. Even with that image in front of him, he could only notice blue irises surrounded by red blood vessels. Guilt swam in his stomach.

"Maybe," Don continued after a moment, "now that I'm back on my feet, I can help figure something out. To help with your eyes. Just in case."

But Leo was shaking his head before he even finished his sentence. "I don't want you to worry about me, little brother." The hand came up again, giving a much stronger grip before that did wonders to Don's heart. "I already told you, Master Splinter's got it taken care of. I just want you to concentrate on getting better, okay?"

They met eyes again in the mirror and Don took in the determined look in Leo's face. He knew with that look that Leo hadn't felt neglected at all by his family's preoccupation with his younger brother's injury. Their early years had been wrought with jealousy when a brother had been singled out for any reason, whether it be injury or praise. This was customary for a household with four active boys and a single parent. There had been more than one incident where if one brother got hurt and garnered the sole attention of their father, another would have an "accident" to gain a little attention of their own. Don himself hadn't been immune to this, though he had partaken in it far less than any of his brothers. He was a child prodigy, after all, and had gained praise from his father on a regular basis with his inventions or ingenuity. But they had all matured and grew to understand that the success or damage of one turtle doesn't change their father's love of the rest of them. Still, Don felt shamefaced that Leo's recovery had been put on hold in the face of his own. It was just another thing he would have to live with.

"Now," Leo said, letting go a second time. "Mikey's got lunch ready, I think. It's a lot heartier than your recent meals. Master Splinter thinks you're almost ready to eat normally."

Don's diet had been consisted of broths and soups, light sandwiches, soft veggies, and lots and lots of juices, healthy things that would help boost his immune system. Don was practically a vegetarian, with the exception of a pepperoni pizza every now and then, and he understood the need for a light and nutritious diet while recovering, especially if the patient wasn't moving all that much, but all the food had been bland and left him with the need to chew on something harder than wilted lettuce and liquid stew.

"I never thought I'd say this," Donnie said, a small smile playing at his lips. "But I would kill for a steak right now."

Leo's laugh was booming, reverberating off the walls. The sound of it and the fact that the worry seemed to slip off of his older brother's face caused a chuckle to come out of Donnie's mouth. The laughter caused his chest to jostle, and he bit back a hiss of pain. It had been a while since he had seen his eldest brother in a good mood, one good enough to hear his laughter, and he didn't want to be the one to ruin the mood over a little pain.

And that was all it was, just a little pain. A little prick compared to the agony he had felt earlier.

So he held it in and gave Leo a smile that remained on his face despite the twinge he still felt.

"I don't know about steak," Leo finally said after the laughter died down. "But when you're ready, we'll all be in the kitchen."

Don felt his smile falter at that last sentence, and he knew he should have left things well enough alone, but his natural curiosity won out and he couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

"Even Raph?"

Leos own smile started to fall and Don started berating himself. So much for not killing the mood. The taller turtle watched his brother try to control his facial features, to not give away the frustration and sadness Leo was feeling about the situation.

"You know Raph," Leo finally said after a minute, his face mostly blank except for a mild look of apology. "He likes to build his walls."

Yes, Donnie did know Raph. Thought he knew him more than his other brothers did, which makes the growing detachment from him all the harder to bear.

When Donnie had first gotten injured, Raph had been one of the constants in the hurricane that followed. It was his face he saw he most when he awoken in his pain filled haze. It was his voice telling him to stop struggling, to drink the water, and that everything was going to be all right.

Donnie had relied on Raph's presence and comfort as much as he relied the medicine and stitches to keep him together. Raph had always been there, when he needed to cry or if he just needed to piss. It was probably because of his older brother's constant care that freed Splinter up enough to eventually tend to the wounds Leo and the rest of them had acquired during that last battle. It had been a family effort, he knew, to get him better again. But it had been Raph that had kept his sanity while he was out of his mind in pain and in fear.

Then things started to change. The more coherent Donnie had become and the less dependent he started to be, the less Donnie saw of Raph. It was as if Raph felt he was no longer needed the more steps Donnie took away from Death's Door, that he didn't need that hand to hold or that warm presence to anchor him.

Donnie would be lying if he didn't feel a little hurt by his brother's withdrawal. He wondered if those early visits and care was a fluke, just a brother showing his care and now that Donnie didn't appear to need as much care as before, he was starting to wash his hands of him. That he only cared for him because he pitied him. That thought alone left a sour taste in his mouth, that he was good enough for pity, but nothing more substantial. That because he was no longer weak and helpless, he was not worthy of his time.

That earlier feeling he had had, the contentment that his brothers loved him despite his scars, started to dwindle the further Raphael distanced himself from him. He wondered if the damage was too extensive for Raph to bear, and he couldn't stand the sight of him now. Was he not healing fast enough for him? Now that the dust from the incident was settling, did Raph see him and realized he wasn't worth his time?

Donnie knew he was being ridiculous, that it was partially the pain that was causing these doubts to surface along with the boredom of being bedridden and unable to calm his ever over-functioning brain by working on projects. He told himself over and over again that Raph was just being Raph and that he sometimes had a hard time handling emotions, that almost losing a brother was a hard thing to swallow and with the amount of care he had given him, he deserved his distance to get his head together.

Still, Don couldn't help the feeling that it wasn't the situation as much as it was _him_ that was causing Raph to pull away.

Had he said something in his fevered dreams? Something he had kept close to his heart, never seeing the light of day? Something he knew would change everything, not just his relationship with his brother, but the dynamics of their whole family? Or could he have just said it, when his guard was down, how much Donnie cared for Raph, and not in the way that they were raised? That his love for him was different for him than it was for Mikey or Leo? Something he hadn't intended but felt deeply anyway?

Donnie didn't know what it was that caused his brother to pull away, and he feared the answer too much to voice any question. So he just bit his lip and just nodded at Leo's statement.

Yes, he knew Raph, but apparently Raph no longer wanted to know him.

Leo paused, stared at his younger brother for a moment longer before letting out a sigh and opening the door.

"Come anyway. Mikey's worked really hard to make sure he got you something healthy and that you'll enjoy. At least do it for him."

Donnie felt his face lighten into a smile. Yeah, he could do it for Mikey, who had been at a loss on how he could help his big bro out until Donnie had said he was hungry for the first time since the attack. He remembered the way his blue eyes, so troubled with worry and despair, had lit up and the baby of the family had claimed he had just the thing for him, which was beef broth with a roll soggy from the warm liquid. Since then, while his other family members took care of his wound and other care, Mikey had claimed responsibility for Don's food and liquid intake. He hadn't given up on him despite throwing back up roughly a third of what was given to him in the beginning so for Mikey, he was going to put on a smile and stuff down whatever is put in front of him, even though his appetite had vanished while pondering his diminished relationship with the red-masked turtle.

Leo, heartened by the return of Donnie's smile, gave a quick one of his own before exiting the room and allowing the door to close softly.

Donnie turned back to the mirror and watched his reflection. This time, he didn't even bother giving his wound any attention besides a quick once over. Instead, he concentrated on his face, slowly willing to rebuild the walls behind his eyes that he had perfected before their last battle with the Shredder. He didn't want his family to see his confusion and sadness. They deserved to see him happy, and whole, after all the care they had given to him. He just needed a little practice at faking it until he could actually feel it. 'Fake it until you make it,' he thought was the phrase. It had been a very exciting day, it'll take a minute.

So he had been staring at himself in the mirror a few minutes later, pulling up the last few bricks to solidify that wall when there was a knock on his door.

"I'll be out in a minute, Leo," Donnie said, and watched himself in the mirror as he did so, and he was pleased to see that it hadn't even wavered.

"I ain't Leo," Raph's rough voice called out and Don saw his careful work come crashing down as he watched the door open in the reflection. There he stood, all big, hulking muscles, the very turtle that had been avoiding him the past week or two. Donnie was too stunned to not let it show on his face, but Raph, when he entered, hadn't raised his eyes above the uncovered wound on his chest and shoulder. "How ya doin'?"

A small part of him wanted to be snarky, to point out that it had been Raph who had closed himself off from him, not the other way around, and if he really wanted to know how he was doing, all he needed to do was come around more often, but a bigger part of him, one much closer to his heart, couldn't only feel relief to hear that voice address him one more time.

"Better," Don said, and added needlessly. "They took off the bandage."

Raph nodded, even though he clearly could see this considering his eyes still haven't moved from the spot. Donnie watched his eyes, expecting to see pity or disgust filled them, considering that was his hypothesis to why his brother's distance, but he saw neither. It was a small part awe, but the larger part was a strange calculating look. It was the same glint he got when he was assessing a situation before battle and it threw Donnie off a little.

"Yeah," Raph said, he finally moved his eyes up and took in Donnie's face and the stunned look on it. "I meant to be here for that, but I wasn't finished."

Don blinked. "Finished what?" he asked, the surprise shifting to wariness.

At his question, Raph fully entered the room and closed the door behind him. It was only then that Don realized that his brother had something in his hands, something full of leather and straps. It hung from his brother's large hands but he couldn't decipher what it was with the way it was placed. Raph didn't answer, instead he moved forward, his footsteps hesitant and it almost appeared like he was shuffling his feet.

Don dragged his eyes from the item in Raph's hands to his face, which was colored. Suddenly, Donnie realized his brother was embarrassed. Don's thoughts went into overdrive, trying to figure out why this hot-headed turtle would be self-conscious. Thoughts and ideas rushed through his head, at lightning speed, and too many conclusions flitted through his brain to get an accurate guess with the little bit of data he had. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that Raph was nervous about _him_. But that didn't make any sense based on the events of the past few weeks with Raph avoiding him. Or it made perfect sense, if the reason for Raph's abandonment was different than from what he had originally thought.

Before he could continue with that line of thought, though, Raph was finally in front of him and held out the leathery object in his hand.

"This," Raph said simply and placed it in Don's automatically outreached hands.

Don stared down at the contraption, unable to decipher what it was without unfolding it, but he was too stunned to move. Raph, perhaps thinking that Don was just out of it because of the pain meds, brought his fingers to Don's unmoving hands and helped him spread it out.

It was a harness of some kind, Don realized after taking it in a moment. With both long and short straps, he was sure was meant to strap around his shell and his arm, respectfully. And there was a large pouch like thing, with leather on one side and a metal plate on the other, and there was an opening in between.

Don still didn't know what it was, and it must have been apparent on his face because Raph let out a chuckle that caused the normally quick-thinking turtle to look up at him and was nonplused by the grin he saw there.

"It's a chest-plate," Raph then said, his smile was nervous and slightly proud. "At least, it will be once I get the Kevlar that I'm gonna have April order for it. I kinda wanted to fit it on ya before we put it in in case we have to make any adjustments. It'd be hard to change anything when I put it in."

It was like a lightbulb turned on and everything clicked together. He saw it clearly, as if he had designed it himself, how this was supposed to look, how it was supposed to work, and he felt a little weak in the knees at the image of him, with his new armor on, adding to his already technical equipment he usually hauls around on a daily basis, fighting alongside his brothers once more.

It was an image he hadn't thought of since he first realized how extensive the injuries were, how damaged he really was. He thought, that even if he was healed enough to go to the surface, that even if his arm was completely functional after this, he would never be standing side-by-side with his brothers in the heat of battle again. He would never feel the reassuring grip of his trusty bo in his hands, hear the satisfying 'thunk' of landing the perfect blow against an enemy, see that proud look his brothers' eyes when walked away from a pile of bodies unscathed. That feeling, of being equal to his brothers once more, made his legs turn to jelly and he felt like he was going to fall. But he quickly locked his knees and stayed upright, because that look on Raph's face, that look of excitement and determination was so strong that it entered his very soul and gave him strength.

"Armor," Donnie whispered in awe, and he saw a look of pride start to enter his brother's face. "You made me armor?"

"Heh," he answered, rubbing the back of his neck that wasn't completely false modesty. There was still that look of nervousness mixed in with the pleasure, and his next words proved why. "I'm not a blacksmith like you, and I know the stitching is a little off. You can fix it later before the Kevlar gets here, if you want."

Don's keen eyes had already picked up the imperfections already, the wielding job was intermediate work at best, and while Raph was an avid knitter, his sewing skills still left much to be desired. Don wanted to kick himself for automatically noticing these things, but he knew that despite his own proclivity to perfect execution to his creations, he wasn't going to change a stitch on this chest-plate. To him, these little deficiencies only showed Donnie how hard his brother had worked with an unfamiliar material to make this for him and that itself made it perfect.

The taller turtle felt his throat start to swell with emotions and he had to blink back the tears threatening to spill over. Unfortunately, Raph had already caught sight of them and his proud look dropped and was replaced by a worried look.

"Donnie?" he started forward, "Are you-Oof!" He cried out as he caught an armful of Donatello as the other turtle moved forward and threw his one fully-functional arm around him and he squeezed him as tight as his weakened muscles would allow.

"Thank you," Don said, in a tearful whisper and it only took half a second for Raph to return the hug, mindful of Donnie's injuries. They stayed like that for many minutes, just basking in the warmth of each other before Donnie started talking again.

"So this is why you've been absent the past couple of weeks?" Don asked, already knowing the answer but wanted to be sure, just in case. He felt Raph nod and Don backed up enough so he could see his gold eyes. He took in the honesty in his face and let out a little breath in relief.

"Yeah," Raph said, Don's stare making him want to divulge deeper into his answer. "As soon as I knew you were out of the woods and I could trust Mikey not to screw things up, I figured you'd be too busy trying to get better to miss me. I wanted to do something to protect you until it got better."

A tear slipped from Donnie's eyes and down his cheek, and it was enough to erase the smile on Raph's face.

"Donnie?" He questioned softly, his finger rising quickly to wipe the tear away.

"I did miss you," Donnie said, his voice catching slightly in his chest and a look of realization fell on Raph's face and he gave a horrified looked.

"Oh, man," Raph moaned, "You thought I abandoned you?"

"Raph," Don started to say, his left hand trying to grip Raph's arm again but the other turtle quickly moved out his reach, his hands coming up to his head his distress.

"I'm so stupid," Raph growled at himself. "I should have just told you what I was doing, but I didn't want to get your hopes up in case I couldn't do it."

"It's okay, Raph-" Don started again, but Raph over talked him.

"I wanted it to be a surprise." He sounded a little broken, as if he had failed his mission and Don couldn't help but smile at the lost, little boy look on his scarred face.

"And it was," Don said and smile of gratitude sprung upon his face. Raph looked up and appeared to be mesmerized by it enough to not be able to continue his argument. "It was the best surprise."

Don looked down at the thing and saw all of the flaws and the potential it held. "Not just because you made it for me, when I know you would have rather been by my side," and Don knew that to be true, now. "But that you also believe that one day I'll actually be able to wear it, that I'll be by your side again in a fight to need it." He didn't say that it had been his biggest fear since he got injured, that he would never be the same again, would never be able to do anything he had been able to do before. He didn't need to mention that he was afraid he would be forever the cripple, the one that needed protecting rather than help with being a protector. The all-too-knowing look settled on Raph's face and Don knew he didn't need to speak a word. "The fact that you have that much faith in me to think I'll bounce back is the best present ever."

A grin started rise again on Raph's face and he said, "Yeah, that cuz I'm gonna whip your ass into shape, until you're better than what you were before."

"Really?" Don asked, a goofy grin on his face, his cheeks darkening in pleasure knowing that his brother hadn't abandoned him to his injury and was willing to help built him up.

"Oh, yeah," Raph said and a smugness started to come through in his voice. "And I ain't going to go easy on you. I'll be a complete drill sergeant, making you say, "Sir, yes, sir" and spit shining my boots. By the time I'm done with you, you'll-"

Don never found out what would happen after the apparent extreme training regimen because he rushed forward and kissed his brother squarely on his lips, silencing the words as efficiently as slapping a hand over the other turtle's mouth.

They stayed that way for an eternity, or at least that's the way it felt for Donnie, with him kissing Raph and his brother frozen there. He had been too jubilant, too relieved, at the fact that his brother didn't hate him, he couldn't have done anything else, even as illogical it was to do this. He just wanted a way to show his gratitude and he felt no other option was adequate. As soon as he realized he wasn't being kissed back, Donnie start to back away, realizing how inappropriate it was to do this. But before he even moved back a millimeter, Raph's hand surged forward and wrapped it around the back of Don's head, keeping him in place, and his lips were no longer just resting there but moving welcoming under Don's own.

If the moment before Raph accepted the kiss seemed to be long, the moment after was infinitely more so. It was the sweetest bliss that Don had ever experienced. They moved with each other, gently but firmly. It was like kissing fire and ice at the same time the way it both set him aflame and soothed his soul. He never wanted this moment to end and with the way Raph started to take control of the kiss, he knew he didn't want it to either. They kissed deeper and deeper, their lips stayed closed but it was no less intimate or passionate than if they had used tongue.

Finally, the need for air forced them to part, but they didn't move any further than a breath away from each other. Nor did they initiate the kiss again one they were no longer lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. They were merely content to hold each other close with their faces touching, taking comfort in the warmth of their first kiss. They presumed that there would be more, and they both knew that there would be a need for words to be spoken, questions answered, and some healing that needed to be done before they moved this promising thing forward. But Don was confident that they would eventually come and not be swept under the rug of misunderstanding and avoidance.

"C'mon, Brain," Raph said, his voice a little husky that sent a pleasant shiver down Don's spine. "Let's go get us some food before Mikey eats it all."

"He better not," Don said with a little bit of heat. Despite him knowing that Mikey wouldn't really do that to him, the kissing and the reassurance that Raph was by his side, in more ways than one, brought his appetite back and he was ravenous. With care, Don put the specialty made armor on his bed for the moment and then linked his left arm into Raph's waiting right one, acting in dual purpose as a crutch in case Donnie got dizzy on their walk across the lair, and to keep the turtle close to his side after such an intimate act.

Don grinned and held onto his potential lover. He was giddy from both the kiss and the prospects he now had. He had thought he had been marked for life, a permanent reminder of his mistake in battle and a constant sign of his vulnerability. Now he realized that sometimes the marks left behind are just blueprints showing you what you need to rebuild. And that's what Raph, and his family did, they rebuilding him with armor and love.

He was the luckiest turtle alive.


End file.
